If you’ve broken a fast early and felt ashamed because your body simply won’t cooperate the way it used to, I have good news for you–God is not mad at you. He does not see you as a failure, nor does He desire to shame you.

In fact, there is no such thing as a “fasting failure” when your heart is sincerely seeking God.

Why Christian Women Feel Like Fasting Failures

There are so many opportunities for Christian women to fast such as church-wide fasts, 21-day fasting challenges, and partial versus full fasts. As women, we want to be involved and participate.

And yet, I receive many emails from women who feel defeated in this area.

Sister, comparison-driven Christianity is deadly. It creeps in when we start looking around and realize our fasting doesn’t look like someone else’s. We wonder if we are doing it right, what others will think of us, or if God is displeased with us. We are sure we are falling short so we quickly lose momentum and quietly turn away.

Somewhere along the way, fasting has become a measure of spiritual worth instead of a means of seeking God.

What The Bible Actually Says About Fasting

There are many man-made rules for fasting in the church. However, we have to take our definitions from the Bible and God’s character.

Biblical fasting is a voluntary laying aside of something good (appealing) in order to seek God more intentionally. The “something appealing” is usually food, but not always.

Scripture advises us that no one should feel compelled (forced) to give. Nor should they feel guilt or give with reluctance. Instead, we should be cheerful givers. I believe this applies to more than money. It applies to all areas of our lives (time, gifts, sacrifices, etc.) as Christians, even in our time of sacrifice of fasting and prayer (2 Corinthians 9:7).

Nothing about biblical fasting is one-size-fits-all. That said, God does give us boundaries to guide our fasting.

If you want to understand the boundaries Scripture gives, I wrote about that here: True Biblical Fasts: What God Accepts and Rejects

The Real Issue–It’s Rarely Food

But even when we understand what fasting is, many of us still struggle. Because the real issue is rarely food. It goes heart-deep, usually involving fear, comparison, or pride.

Scripture shows us that biblical fasting is about humility–never performance or a spiritual transaction.

Humility is a decision we intentionally make to submit our entire self to Christ Jesus. It is rooted in God-dependence (not self-dependence), and allows us to treat others in love, prioritizing their needs over our desires.

Health, Midlife & Physical Limitations

And sometimes, the reason you cannot fast the way others do is not spiritual weakness–it is your physical reality. As women, we tend to diminish our issues, but that doesn’t make them any less valid. As we age, we experience things that affect our body and mind such as:

Hormonal shifts
Medication
Physical or emotional depletion
Chronic or acute illness
Fatigue

Depending on your season of life, it may be wise–even medically necessary–not to participate in a food fast. God doesn’t hold that against you, even if others do.

Grace When Fasting Feels Hard

God doesn't want us to feel shame or condemnation. That is not His heart for His children. Condemnation is external judgment of wrongdoing. Shame is the internal belief that you are unworthy. Shame results from feeling condemned. Neither are from God.

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit (Romans 8:1).

God desires that you spend time with Him in prayer and fasting so that your relationship can grow deeper, not so that you can cross off a check box and fulfill a religious ritual. Friend, God’s love and grace for you are stronger than anything else. Nothing, not even a fast that didn’t go as planned, can separate you from the love of God. (Romans 8:38-39).

Replace All The Rules with Two Questions

If you are looking for boundaries instead of rules, refocus yourself on your Bible. What does God say? And instead of asking yourself, “exactly how long must I fast” or “what kind of fast gets God’s attention”, ask yourself two questions:

What is the purpose of my fast?
How am I treating God and the people around me while I am fasting?

Those two questions will guide you more faithfully than any rulebook ever could.

Closing Encouragement

The purpose of a biblical fast is not to prove your devotion. It is to deepen your relationship. God is kind and merciful. He is not standing over you with a checklist just waiting to cross your name out of the Book of Life.

God is inviting you to sit and spend time with Him, as much or as long as you are willing to give. So if your fast ends but your heart leans closer to Christ, that is not failure. That is faith–and faith pleases God (Hebrews 11:6).

A Few Journal Prompts for a Gentle Next Step

The prompts below reflect a practice God has used in my spiritual walk – Bible notebook journaling. Feel free to choose a prompt that resonates with you and allow yourself the freedom to linger with God as long, or as briefly, as He leads. Record your reflections in your Bible or in a notebook. If you are curious but unfamiliar with Bible notebook journaling, you can read more about it here.

If this practice of Bible journaling isn’t right for your walk with Christ right now, feel free to skip it. The prompts are simply offered as a gift from my heart to yours.

Our midlife bodies can let us down because of physical ailments we are experiencing. Are you viewing your physical limitations as a spiritual deficit or an invitation to lean on God’s strength? How might God find glory from you if you would honor your body and the season He has placed you in today?
Imagine a good friend came to you upset because she “failed” her fast yet again. What words of grace and compassion would you give her? Why is it so much harder to offer that same Christ-centered compassion to yourself when you feel like a failure?
According to Romans 8:1, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. If you have been feeling like a fasting failure, sit and meditate on this question: whose voice have you been listening to? How would you approach your next fast if you could lay your shame down right this moment and welcome God’s grace instead?
In what areas of my spiritual life have I quietly attached my worth to my fasting performance? How might God be inviting me to rest in His love instead?